Today I almost ended up doing absolutely nothing again, I stayed up all night because I couldn't bare to sleep and finally blacked out hours before I had to be up in the morning, only to wake in cold a sweat. Palms clammy, spirits diminished, and head full of negativity I decided to check my phone.
My lady friend decided to spend 2 hours blowing up my phone with more depressing stuff to contemplate, such as:
I see a point to life, love and be loved... Try and keep trying, live and learn... We all make mistakes, it's all in how you learn from them and learn to live with yourself enough to move on. If you'd like some help, refer to chart A.
|This is chart A.|
and "I see the future as ur friends convincing you u did nothing wrong and then getting high all the time and talking to girls online,"
|Thank you, ICanHas|
Firstly, If I were to speak to any girls that I'd like to persue, it is most likely going to be in person - like at the mall, or something. Though, I honestly don't find my self a suitable suitor for any girl right now, I'm simply just not in the right place, mentally. I also have some definite soul searching to do. I know I am in the wrong, Hell, we both fucked up... a lot.... I guess deep down I didn't really trust her from Day 1. I'm doing all I can to make it better, and as far as clouding my judgement up with toxins goes...I've been down that road after a bad break up before, how do you think I got myself into this mess IN THE FIRST PLACE? I refuse to put anything in my body that is going to alter my perception of reality, at least while I'm still vulnerable and highly susceptible to control.
and then she felt like she needed to throw an "I knew youd be just like ur dad" in the mix,
It's obvious no one really cares to hear about my father, but he looks like a damned pirate and needless to say I am not as she says.
|Fffuuuu, fights..what a headache.|
and proceeded to tell me I had also somehow "become just like her mother".
|Yeah... I don't think so.|
I strongly believe there is someone out there for everyone, and at first, she was my perfect other half... Shit happens, as a lesson and a rule of thumb - don't lie to someone if you can see a future with them, even the smallest most insignificant lies can spiral into some great vast entity of imminent devastation. Do I still see a future with this girl? Right now... I can't see a future with anyone, deep down I hope one day when we both mature a bit more we might have a slim chance of being together, as long as we both stay true to ourselves and don't lie to each other.
Well I suppose I'll keep on keepin' on, just like I always do. Have high hopes and stay motivated my friends, it's time to step out into the world. I'm pushing through this